He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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