Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
