I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
