Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
