Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize