so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize