You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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