I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
