Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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