Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize