Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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