never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
