Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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