you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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