chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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