clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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