fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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