Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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