At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She's the barista slut.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
