He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
