Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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