Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
