And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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