...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize