Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize