Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize