I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
