Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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