I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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