why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
