Ambien. No doubt about it.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize