I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
