But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
