Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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