i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
