we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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