i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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