lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Me. At least after what I've been through.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
