Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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