everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
