Small penises have feelings too.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
