I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
