Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize