my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
