who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
