That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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