its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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