If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He felt like a one man threesome
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
