I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize