would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
