and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
