Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
