And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
