I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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