so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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