all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
