I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
