that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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