I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
