Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize