How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
