Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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