There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
