Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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