I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize