I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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