I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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