Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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