what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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