there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
