He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
