I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
