i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
