He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
