the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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