so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I believe in your delicious
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
