apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
