I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
