ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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