phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize