Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
